Sometimes, I want to confront... my family and say im not apart of them; tell them I never was and never will be. Im not going to lie, I do get lonely. I want the support, understanding and unconditional love promised and dedicated to me as a child. I tend to think, sometimes it would be best that I leave and never come back, stay out of Mamas' life so that I dont confuse her and her emotions, or destroy any other hope and trust left in her heart. A thousand times I thought of ways to fake my death so that she could move on and not ever be interrupted by my presence, but one day... one day she will want to know why I hid in the shadows; why I left and allowed her Aunties and Granny raise her. I never fit in... and my opinions never mattered; my money was never good enough, taste expensive enough, and action pure enough. Im not an Alpough, Roach, or Howard. And although all this may be true, im proud not to be. Im proud to be strange, unexplained, and misunderstood. When she is confused at heart, I can say I understand and when her heart is not broken, but shattered, and the decisions she made seems disgusting, I can say I've truly been there. When everyone not only turn their backs, run their lips, and fold their welcomed arms, I want to be there to say I am here. Because im Brooke's mommy, and no matter the rumors, empty prayer commitments, and brown noses, I will be there when she needs me the most; not always when she wants me the most.
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