For Better Or For Worse

So, I have a huge fear of being alone. Thats why I hate choosing men, its like they can see my fear, or it could be the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeves. Either way, he is clearly taking advantage. Im so ready to move on, but I dont want him to think I'm giving up. I just feel used. I mean, like now, he wants my attention, he wants to know why I'm so quiet. It started when he came home from work, he walked right past me like I was invisible. I asked for a kiss and he pecked my lips, then began to complain. I cooked, and cleaned, but I mean honestly,  where we stay is so small, the cleaning only takes an hour... and thats spring cleaning. So with that being said..  I expected conversation and romance, or atleast cuddling... he's tired, I'm tired, cuddling was suppose to workout. No, instead, I was off to the center. Once I got to the center, as soon as I got out my car, the idiot that was in the street while I was turning told me how beautiful I am, and asked if he could call me. Instantly I thought, "why cant dennis see my value". Of course I told the idiot no, but deep down, I enjoyed the compliment. I'm starting to understand why my mom cheated. I bet Claude didnt compliment her, I nevwr remember him kissing her randomly.
I clearly love Dennis, I've given up everything, sadly, I ... left the only person who unconditionally loves me, so I could build a home here. She deserves the best, and I can find it here... here in Memphis Tennessee.  I just need the confidence to walk away. I need to remember how cold the bed was alone... not cold, but cool, like the other side of my pillow.
I havent called her... or granny. And I only answered my mama's call because we're both the same and she can feel when I'm hurting. Strangely, she knows somethings' wrong, but she isnt pushing it to find out. Its like, I know my mama has been down this road and I committed to not being with someone like Claude,  her husband.  He and I never got along, so she chose him... I vowed to never choose a man over my own... but I did... I chose dennis...

I'm not her... I dont wanna be her... I'm building, renovating my life to be a suitable parent..  but for some reason, I feel as though I was doing fine in Houston... before I left Ebbi...

To Be Continued...